Equanimity in Chaos
Getting into the hub of the wheel of fortune
A temporary ceasefire in Gaza. Increased violence in the West Bank. A new administration’s era. Circumstances have changed drastically in the last week, and it’s uncertain where things go from here: If the ceasefire holds. if the cost of the ceasefire was a worsening of the genocide in the West Bank. What Trump will do to America.
All of this is uncertain, and these times remind me of both the transience of life and the unpredictability of its seasons.
If there is one lecture that had a profound and lasting impact on me, it is a talk delivered by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf in 2016 about what it means to live a good life as a Muslim—I won’t give away his answer; you can watch the video here:
What has stayed with me in particular are two metaphorical references by Shaykh Hamza that I see as lessons on how we temper one, desire and two, emotion. In other words, how we maintain moderation amidst a world of excess, and equanimity within a world of chaos.
The first metaphor is a reference by Imam Ghazali, where he said the world is like a banquet adorned with gold and silver plates and fragrant perfume, but it is a banquet in which you are invited to stay only for a short while and then you must leave, and the next set of people come after you. What the wise guest does, he says, is eat the meal, smell the perfume, and be grateful; but what many do instead is to become enthralled, and then get greedy: taking the gold and silver plates and tucking them away for themselves.
The second metaphor is a discussion from The Consolation of Philosophy, about the Wheel of Fortune (the medieval Rota Fortunae, not the game show). He describes Fortunae–fate–which says, you can’t worship me; I do what I will, and the wheel spins, spins, spins at random. The positions of the wheels are as follows: at the top, Regno - I reign; on the descent, Regnavi - I have reigned; at the bottom, Sum sine regno - I am without a kingdom; and Regnabo - I shall reign - on the ascent.
Both metaphors, and the entirety of Shaykh Hamza’s talk, is a reminder for me of temperance.
Temperance of desire–you can enjoy the gift of a wonderful meal while here at this banquet, but you don’t need to hoard the gold and silver plates, because they cannot leave with you once it’s your time to exit the venue.
Temperance of emotion–we want to reign forever, to sit at the top eternally, and yet fate will throw us any which direction; and so we can cling to the wheel, where our mood and our contentment will wax and wane with the ever-changing vicissitudes of a life that often is beyond our control. Or, we can enter the hub, where we recognize that the wheel will turn as it does and we can see that some days our fortunes will rise and some days they will fall, but all along, we say Qadr Allahu wa masha fa’al.
Equanimity–to be even-minded in difficult times, or even somewhat detached–is not to be confused with nihilism. Equanimity absolutely coexists with hope, with feelings of optimism, with purposeful motivation, with a belief that what we do has inherent value and potential impact.
Our intentions matter. Our actions matter. Everything matters. A ceasefire matters. Our efforts for Palestine matter. It may be a slow climb, but we show up and take the steps, regardless of the setbacks, regardless of what we feel about those setbacks.
I know that in the liminal space of a potentially only temporary ceasefire, there may be relief for the Palestinians, but also the force of the unprocessed emotions from the last year and a full evaluation of everything they’ve lost. I also see joy and hope, and I don’t feel it is my place to share anything but that tentative optimism, too.
And I know that in America, four years of a Trump presidency feel deeply unsettling to many, and a Nazi salute by the man who appears to be his de facto vizier doesn’t bode well. Yet I also know that the past four years have not been a utopia either.
So I choose to persist with hope that tomorrow will be better for humanity than today. I also accept the possibility that tomorrow may be much worse for humanity than today. I will do what I can today, for as long as I am at this banquet, despite how the wheel spins. We all must, and in community. Let tomorrow bring what it does.