Sometimes when my daughter is having a tantrum (about, say, the color of her pants) on a day my husband is on call, she will wail and then follow it up with, “I need Baba!”
I'm a very hands on dad and in the past two years, for various reasons, have been more of the "lead parent" when it comes to executing lots of the daily routines of the household (even if my COO wife laments that she still carries the bulk of the mental load. She does, and we still haven't perfected how to balance it).
I hate when I see politicians and reporters talk about the tragedy of "women and children" dying and suffering in conflict, leaving out the men, as though any adult males who perish aren't real casualties, or are legitimate casualties. Fathers provide so much to their family and community - often sacrificing the entire core of their individuality to those they seek to serve and lift up.
Mothers, fathers, and caregivers of any gender can all play invaluable roles, as varied as snowflakes in a blizzard. Every life matters, we NEED to see it that way, and the more we can celebrate these stories the more humane we can make the world.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment Joe. It really pains me to see how men (particularly men of different backgrounds) have become dehumanized, and unfortunately I think sometimes the divisiveness between the sexes has created another set of problems than the ones they were trying to solve.
This piece is everything I think about domestic labor. I had come to the same conclusion as your mother, then felt guilty for “blaming” it on women. Then I came to the same conclusion as you. The best we can do as mothers to boys is raise them to be as capable as we raise girls. Thank you for this piece. Excited to find your page and read along!
Thank YOU for putting out that prompt and taking the answers and weaving them in so well into an easy to follow essay!
Very well said. As much as we try to raise good boys and girls, we have to raise good humans. The gendered speficiations will fall into place with good tarbiyah and good role models.
On the topic of diapers, I find it fascinating and amusing for some reason and also humbling that as the baby of my family, everyone has changed my diapers and helped me use the bathroom as a child, from parents to siblings to maternal grandparents. Maternal aunts too.
One of my brother's friends shared that he settled with his wife that he will not change diapers. He is a very engaged father, and I just found it interesting that such an arrangement could be agreed upon mutually. I guess if a couple is largely fully invested in doing their best in fulfilling the varying resposnibilities, certain arrangements can work well and not be unfairly burdensome to one partner.
Not all aajkal ke ladke are so understanding haha. It's always good to see well rounded husbands and fathers. Lord knows we need more.
It's so interesting to me how diapers in particular gets punted! If parenting had a job description, "Handling human waste in multiple forms" would be pretty high up ha.
Loool I've seen those vids where mothers recount the craziest sports-like stunts they had to pull to literally catch the kid's droppings so it doesn't get on the carpet for example
I'm a very hands on dad and in the past two years, for various reasons, have been more of the "lead parent" when it comes to executing lots of the daily routines of the household (even if my COO wife laments that she still carries the bulk of the mental load. She does, and we still haven't perfected how to balance it).
I hate when I see politicians and reporters talk about the tragedy of "women and children" dying and suffering in conflict, leaving out the men, as though any adult males who perish aren't real casualties, or are legitimate casualties. Fathers provide so much to their family and community - often sacrificing the entire core of their individuality to those they seek to serve and lift up.
Mothers, fathers, and caregivers of any gender can all play invaluable roles, as varied as snowflakes in a blizzard. Every life matters, we NEED to see it that way, and the more we can celebrate these stories the more humane we can make the world.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment Joe. It really pains me to see how men (particularly men of different backgrounds) have become dehumanized, and unfortunately I think sometimes the divisiveness between the sexes has created another set of problems than the ones they were trying to solve.
Loved the post, took me back to this scroll line : The man who never leaves his street does not echo—he roots the street, he holds the beat. https://thehiddenclinic.substack.com/p/the-echo-and-the-root
Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed reading it. It was so moving.
This piece is everything I think about domestic labor. I had come to the same conclusion as your mother, then felt guilty for “blaming” it on women. Then I came to the same conclusion as you. The best we can do as mothers to boys is raise them to be as capable as we raise girls. Thank you for this piece. Excited to find your page and read along!
Likewise Cristina- thanks for reading!
Thank YOU for putting out that prompt and taking the answers and weaving them in so well into an easy to follow essay!
Very well said. As much as we try to raise good boys and girls, we have to raise good humans. The gendered speficiations will fall into place with good tarbiyah and good role models.
On the topic of diapers, I find it fascinating and amusing for some reason and also humbling that as the baby of my family, everyone has changed my diapers and helped me use the bathroom as a child, from parents to siblings to maternal grandparents. Maternal aunts too.
One of my brother's friends shared that he settled with his wife that he will not change diapers. He is a very engaged father, and I just found it interesting that such an arrangement could be agreed upon mutually. I guess if a couple is largely fully invested in doing their best in fulfilling the varying resposnibilities, certain arrangements can work well and not be unfairly burdensome to one partner.
Not all aajkal ke ladke are so understanding haha. It's always good to see well rounded husbands and fathers. Lord knows we need more.
It's so interesting to me how diapers in particular gets punted! If parenting had a job description, "Handling human waste in multiple forms" would be pretty high up ha.
Loool I've seen those vids where mothers recount the craziest sports-like stunts they had to pull to literally catch the kid's droppings so it doesn't get on the carpet for example